Not going home for xmas

I am a bit of a conundrum. I love the period before xmas. I’m singing along my xmas playlist starting somewhere in november. Start decorating the house december 7th – we have a tradition in Belgium to wait till after the other Saint Nik comes by on december 6th. Love the xmas lights all over town and in the gardens around my house. I absolutely … Continue reading Not going home for xmas

Sweden: my complicated relationship

Sitting ┬áin the airport waiting for my flight back home. As usual I have conflicted feelings. I love this place, I feel completely at home and it gives me the opportunity to see people that matter a lot to me. My bonus son – so grateful he wants to stay part of my life – his aunt and her husband and son, and mostly the … Continue reading Sweden: my complicated relationship


Not sure wether it is because it is September, or wether it is because two friends lost their dads recently but I am struggling with my past. I sleep badly, obsess about the strangest things, feel really low, can’t seem to not think about my parents – feeling bad about my dad, and the usual frustration/anger towards her. You would think I would have learned … Continue reading Struggling


And all of a sudden it is September. A very conflicting and challenging month for me. I love the season, fall but still warm, leaves are starting to change color, enjoying indian spring evenings. And on the downside, it is my birth month, the month my demons are very much alive and kicking. I struggle with them, seems even more tham ever. I’m getting desperate … Continue reading September