Oops I did it again

You’d think that I would know by now what my limits are. But no, what I dreaded happened, I went on holiday completely stressed out, overtired, and with no energy left and my body give out.

Result, a visit to the hospital, two night stay, thank god with a doctor who googled and believed my rare condition, and 3 further days restricted to my hotel room.

I have new responsibilities at work which are way out of my comfort zone, this combined with no clue how to handle my future both on a personal level and a professional one, and the reason I am on holiday this week: the incapability of facing home on my birthday are too much to bear.

I have no idea where to go from here. I don’t think I have ever felt this lonely in my life. Reason probably why I attach so much importance to my job, which is an ending story in december, and which ever I turn it, or however much effort I put into it a disaster in the making.

I don’t know, I don’t have a clue, I just drag from day to day, fooling myself that there is something positive coming, but finding it harder and harder to believe.

I wish I could end on a silver lining, but even the sound of the waves which normally sooth me are just noise today.