When dark gets too dark

A few weeks ago my cousin took her own life. She suffered from severe depression for years and psychosis for the last couple of years.

It’s heavy to deal with. I wasn’t particularly close to her, I have a very complicated relationship with my family, but it hit hard. Should I have tried harder when she reached out a few years ago, will I ever get this low (loneliness is a b….), should I get in touch with part of my family again, should I try harder to deal with my depression and get in therapy, but how will I deal with reliving the past, and will I be strong enough to deal with that. How can I let my aunt know that she is my thoughts without sounding silly and cliché?

My brain is in overdrive and I do not know where to start.

But am trying to look at the positive in this, I am grateful that I still see the purpose and good of life.

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